#9

You matter.

So, what are all of these numbers about?

I've started writing love letters.
To my voice.

You see, as much as I involve myself in any other activity, the way my throat feels is always one of the dominant thoughts in my mind. That tends to happen when speaking about other things (which should be a distraction) is painful enough to draw attention to the very thing that you might want to set aside for a while.

So I can't ignore my voice, even if I wanted to... which I really don't.

But the thing is, I need these reminders of why I even bother to keep going against the pain and setbacks and frustrations.

I need the reminders of why I love this part of me so much.

I need these reminders of why other people love this part of me so much.

So, from now on, I'm going to try my best to write one love letter/poem to my voice per day... which really means that I'm using my inner voice to communicate with my outer voice. Deep stuff, huh?

I can't promise that I'll be able to do this daily. I'm a college student after all. I can guarantee, however, that these letters will be almost as much about me and my life as they are about my voice, because we're all really intertwined right now and probably always will be.

I'm not going to advertise these letters on facebook unless I think they're particularly important, but you can go ahead and put your email address in the follow by email box on the right side of the screen to get updates whenever I post something new.

#8

Sometimes I wonder why Beethoven understands us so well.
Maybe because he was deaf
and without you I am mute.

#7

My darling,
I'm so glad that both of us are alive.
Let's stay that way.

#6

You sure are an expensive lady to be in love with.

#5

Darling, I just wish I knew how to fix you.
Why were you so scratchy and low today?
Did that hard lemonade hurt you?
If it did, I'm sorry,
because it sure tasted good.

#4

Darling,
I thought we were getting better,
but you tell me we're not.
I'm sorry that the place I love the most
is maybe the place that hurts you the most.

#3

Darling,
Today you reminded me
just how brilliant you are.
You can mold yourself to shapes I've only imagined
and follow cadences you've never marched to.
I love you for that.
I'm just so sorry that our play has become painful.
Remember when it was only fun?

#2

Today the doctor told me

that I’ve been swallowing wrong this whole time.

I’ll relearn,

but I wonder if this is why life without you

has been so hard to swallow.

(From April 2014)

#1

This time last year I was crying over a boy.

This time I’m crying over you.

It’s pretty much the same except the boy was easier to get over.

Darling, I beg you, please come back.

(From April 2014)